Tale of two guys

"People who had found the true meaning of life should not remain silent - though it may feel more comfortable to do so." ~ Michael Momot

A handsome young man is currently in a relationship with his nice guy partner. He has been a one man guy since he had his first emotional relationship. He broke up with his last BF and after a month met his current nice guy partner. They went into a serious relationship. But the handsome young man felt that he’s been so serious in every relationship he’s been with, one after another, that he wanted to know how it feels like being single and would like to try sleeping with different guys. He tagged this as a commitment issue.

He told his nice guy of a partner about this and asked him is it’s alright for them to cool it off for a while until he has experienced being single and do the things he feel he still wanted to do. Of course, his nice guy partner did not like the idea for fear of not having his handsome young man return to him. So the nice guy partner did not agree and they continued their relationship. Nevertheless, the handsome young man assured his nice guy partner that he loves him and does not want to lose him. He continued to comfort his nice guy partner that he feel the it’s just a phase the will pass sooner or later.

A couple of weeks passed and the handsome young man still had his commitment issues and kept convincing his nice guy partner to agree with his idea. The nice guy partner kept saying no to the proposition. Sometimes the handsome young man did not like the nice guy’s disapproval that he sometimes gives the nice guy the cold treatment whilst the nice guy partner kept up with it trying to understand his partner's situation.

One day, the handsome young man told the nice guy that he needed to tell him something important. Excited and concerned, the nice guy asked what it was. The handsome young man started talking about how he had commitment issues and how he wanted to experience singularity and try sleeping with other guys. The nice guy, baffled and confused, continued to listen.

After a long prologue, the handsome young guy confessed that he slept with another guy but assured the nice guy partner that he did not get aroused and that he did not liked the experience. He said that after that encounter, he discovered that he can’t afford to sleep with other guys unless he is in-love with them. He affirmed that that experience helped him resolve his commitment issues and brought him to realize how much he loved his nice guy partner.

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Was it infidelity or a process of realization?

A different look

There have been some good changes in my life recently. Together with this, I’ve decided to experiment on how I like my blog to look like.

Back then, I never liked blogging because I felt I don’t have the aptitude in writing and I thought I was too disoriented to compose my thoughts and document them. But when I started into this wonderful world of blogging, I become conscious how therapeutic writing is, I realized I am actually capable of composing my insights, and the best part was I gained new friends. So I came to a resolution that I might as well go on with this habit.

I am not changing the topics I post nor limit my self with specific genre of things to put here… I am merely shifting the feel of my page :-D I made a new banner and used another template for my page. I will be using this for the meantime until I’ve finalize a better one to use as a flag for my post.

I am open to suggestions… so bring it on.

Oh, and I really need HELP on putting an image in the background :-D

Facebook, invisible na espada, Katipunan at ang iyong pagbabalik

Hinintay kita buong gabi. Nagalala ako magdamag dahil hindi mo dala ang gamot mo noong umalis kapapasok sa trabaho. Sabik akong Makita ka sa pagdating mo ngayung umaga.

Dumating ka at inabutan akong natutulog. Tinabihan mo ako. Naigisng ako sa aking pagkakahimbing nang maramdaman ko ang iyong galaw sa kama . Niyakap kita pero tinanggal mo aking kamay. Kinabahan ako.

Pakiramdam ko galit ka sa akin. Tinanong kita bakit? Sinagot mo ako ng tanong… “Inadd mo daw s’ya sa Facebook?” Di ako sumagot. Sya ay ang iyong huling karelasyon bago naging tayo. Tinanong mo rin ako kung anong oras na ako natulog. Alas nuebe ang sagot ko. Hindi ka naniwala sa akin at sinabi mong sinungaling ako. Sinabi kong tinext kita bago ako matulog at para ipakita ang proof, kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at ipinikita sa iyo ang details ng text sa sent message ko. Sa di maipaliwanag na dahilan, kinakabahan ako. Inulit mo ang iyong tanong at dinugtungan ng “e kung i-add ko yung mga ex mo, ok lang sa iyo?” Kinabahan ulit ako.

Kinabahan ako hindi dahil may kung anong mali akong ginawa. Kinakabahan ako dahil galit ka nanaman sa akin. Nagaalalaako kasi baka may bago ka nanamang personal issue na kailangan nating malampasan. Halong kaba at takot ang nararamdaman ko pag naiisip ko na baka may personal issues ka na naman. Hindi kasi maganda yung karanasan ko sa huling issue mo. Pero natutuwa naman ako na naresolve mo sya… at na-realize mo na mahal mo pala ako talaga.

Sumagot ako…”Siguro ok lang.”

Parang lalo kang nainis. Narinig kong sinambit mo na “ Sana pala hindi nalang ako umuwi dito.” Sabay bangon at isinuot muli ang pantalon at t-shit na katulad mo ay pagod galling trabaho.

Umikot ang buong mundo ko at pilit hinanap sa kaloob-looban ng aking isip kung ano ang maling ginawa ko. Dahil ba nag add ako sa Facebook? Dahil ba pagod ka galling sa trabaho o dahil may nagawa talaga akong dapat mong ikasama ng loob?

Habang nagbibihis ka, tinanong kita kung saan ka pupunta… tulad ng dati pag galit ka… hindi mo ako kinikibo.

Bihis ka na at bumaba, sinundan kita… patuloy na nagtatanong saan ang punta mo at nag mamakaawang wag ka na umalis. Pero tuloy-tuloy kang lumabas. Kasabay ng pag sara ng pinto and kirot na naramdaman ko sa aking dibdib. Parang may invisible na espadang tumusok sa akin.

Napaupo ako sa hagdan at hindi napigilingang umiyak. Naiwan akong umiiyak na parang bata.

Tinext kita, patuloy na nagtatanong kung saan ka pupunta. Nakailang send din ako ng text message bago ka sumagot na baka sa Katipunan ka muna magstay, matulog na ako at wag mag alala, at magapapalamig ka lang muna. Hindi ko maintindihan kung awa ba sa sarili, kaba o selos ang naramdaman ko sa una mong sagot sa text message ko. Sa Katipunan ka dati nakatira kasama s’ya.

Pinilit ko pero hindi rin ako makatulog muli. Halong pagaalala, kaba, lungkot at pag pag kamiss sa iyo ang nararamdaman ko. Ang dami kong tanong sa sarili ko, pilit na iniintindi ang sitwasyon habang buong lakas na dinadivert ang isip sa ibang bagay para lang maibsan ang sakit ng invisible na espadang nakatusok pa rin sa aking dibdib.

Tinetext kita subalit hindi ka nagrereplay. Tinatawagan ko ang cellphone mo, hindi mo din sinasagot ang tawag ko. Siguro nasa Katipunan ka na.

Habang balisa sa pagaantay sa pagbalik mo, ginawa ko itong blog na ito para mabaling ang aking isip.

Lumipas ang ilang oras, na sa aking pakiramdam ay katumbas ng habang buhay, at dumating ka, nagtatampo parin. Gayun paman, tumalon ang puso ko sa galak ng iyong pagbabalik.

"A Letter From Dad"

"A man's worth is measured by how he parents his children. What he gives them, what he keeps away from them, the lessons he teaches and the lessons he allows them to learn on their own." ~Lisa Rogers

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As I have mentioned from my previous entry… Here is the letter I borrowed from Andrew that I posted in one of my networking sites. It's a timely coincidence that I decided to post this since Father's day is right around the corner.

After meeting Mr. Monroe and realizing that the he is not the same person as Andrew, and that the account I got this letter from lacks legitimacy, I am not sure now if this letter is genuine. Nonetheless, I like it and I would like to share it to everyone.

Although I was not able to authenticate the owner of the letter, what was said in the letter remains true and inspiring.... Read on.

Andrew,

You are young and life has yet to take its toll on you—to throw disappointments and heartaches and loneliness and struggles and pain into your path. You have not been worn down yet by long hours of thankless work, by the slings and arrows of everyday life. For this, be thankful. You are at a wonderful stage of life. You have many wonderful stages of life still to come but they are not without their costs and perils.

I hope to help you along your path by sharing some of the best of what I’ve learned. As with any advice, take it with a grain of salt. What works for me might not work for you.

Life Can Be Cruel:
There will be people in your life who won’t be very nice. They’ll tease you because you’re different or for no good reason. They might try to bully you or hurt you. There’s not much you can do about these people except learn to deal with them and learn to choose friends who are kind to you, who actually care about you, who make you feel good about yourself. When you find friends like this, hold on to them, treasure them, spend time with them, be kind to them, love them.

There will be times when you are met with disappointment instead of success. Life won’t always turn out the way you want. This is just another thing you’ll have to learn to deal with. But, instead of letting these things get you down, push on. Accept disappointment and learn to persevere, to pursue your dreams despite pitfalls. Learn to turn negatives into positives and you’ll do much better in life.

You will also face heartbreak and abandonment by those you love. I hope you don’t have to face this too much, but it happens. Again, not much you can do but heal and to move on with your life. Let these pains become stepping stones to better things and use them to make you stronger.

But Be Open to Life Anyway:
Yes, you’ll find cruelty and suffering in your journey through life but don’t let that close you to new things. Don’t retreat from life, don’t hide or wall yourself off. Be open to new things, new experiences, new people.

You might get your heart broken 10 times but find the most wonderful person the 11th time. If you shut yourself off from love, you’ll miss out on that person, and the happiest times of your life.
You might get teased and bullied and hurt by people you meet—and then after meeting dozens of jerks, find a true friend. If you close yourself off to new people, and don’t open your heart to them, you’ll avoid pain but also lose out on meeting some incredible people who will be there during the toughest times of your life and create some of the best times of your life.

You will fail many times but, if you allow that to stop you from trying, you will miss out on the amazing feeling of success once you reach new heights with your accomplishments. Failure is a stepping stone to success.

Life Isn’t a Competition:
You will meet many people who will try to outdo you, in school, in college, at work. They’ll try to have nicer cars, bigger houses, nicer clothes, cooler gadgets. To them, life is a competition—they have to do better than their peers to be happy.

Here’s a secret: life isn’t a competition. It’s a journey. If you spend that journey always trying to impress others, to outdo others, you’re wasting your journey. Instead, learn to enjoy the journey. Make it a journey of happiness, of constant learning, of continual improvement, of love.

Don’t worry about having a nicer car or house or anything material, or even a better-paying job. None of that matters a whit and none of it will make you happier. You’ll acquire these things and then only want more. Instead, learn to be satisfied with having enough—and then use the time you would have wasted trying to earn money to buy those things…use that time doing things you love. Find your passion and pursue it doggedly. Don’t settle for a job that pays the bills. Life is too short to waste on a job you hate.

Love Should Be Your Rule:
If there’s a single word you should live your life by, it should be this: Love. It might sound corny, I know but, trust me, there’s no better rule in life.

Some would live by the rule of success. Their lives will be stressful, unhappy and shallow. Others would live by the rule of selfishness—putting their needs above those of others. They will live lonely lives and will also be unhappy.

Still others will live by the rule of righteousness—trying to show the right path and admonishing anyone who doesn’t live by that path. They are concerned with others but in a negative way and, in the end, will only have their own righteousness to live with and that’s a horrible companion.

Live your life by the rule of love. Love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, with all of your heart. Give them what they need and show them not cruelty nor disapproval nor coldness nor disappointment, but only love. Open your soul to them.

Love not only your loved ones, but your neighbors…your coworkers…strangers…your brothers and sisters in humanity. Offer anyone you meet a smile, a kind word, a kind gesture, a helping hand. Love not only neighbors and strangers but your enemy. The person who is cruelest to you, who has been unkind to you, love him. He is a tortured soul and most in need of your love.

And, most of all, love yourself. While others may criticize you, learn not to be so hard on yourself, to think that you’re ugly or dumb or unworthy of love but think, instead, that you are a wonderful human being worthy of happiness and love—and learn to love yourself for who you are.

Finally, know that I love you and always will. You are starting out on a weird, scary, daunting, but ultimately incredibly wonderful journey, and I will be there for you when I can.

Godspeed.

Love,
Your Dad



** Taken (with permission) from http://thegoldenticket.multiply.com. Unfortunately, this account/ profile no longer exist.

The guy I used to know as Andrew

It was during the exhibit opening last Independence Day that I first got a physical sight of him. I thought I knew him from somewhere. Amidst the energetic event, while entertaining people and chatting with friends… I was thinking where could I have known him. Think, think, think. Then just like in the comic strips, the light bulb in my head flashed and the still small voice shouted UREKA! it's Sebastian Monroe!

We’re Multiply friends (http://multiply.com) for heaven’s sake! I knew him there as Andrew. We exchanged thoughts and insights several times. I remembered him telling me that he wanted to layout his multiply account so that people would read his blog more than look as his pictures. He can’t blame people. With a beautiful face like that, who can resist gaping? I even borrowed one very inspiring blog entry of his (I’ll post a separate blog exclusively for this encouraging letter).

Moving on, I saw a good friend and a council mate back in the University (of Fine Arts) chatting with one of the guys Andrew’s with. That gave me the opportunity to introduce my self. So, being an unrestricted social being that I am and knowing that my friend (from the University) as a guy with impressive upbringing, I came up to my friend and deviously whispered to him to introduce everyone ( I mean our group) to his friend. Reciprocally, my friend's friend introduce his group to us.

Finally, we were all introduced to one another and started chatting. We were standing across each other when I told him that I think I know him from Multiply. I recounted the conversations and the blog I borrowed from him (about his dad’s letter to him).To my surprise he said that that wasn’t him and that he do not own that Multiply account. With a graceful expression on his face, he uttered his real name and said that whoever owned that account is a faker ( I checked my multiply account when I got home and found out that the account I supposed was his no longer existed). He warned me to be careful of what I read and who I talk to and make friends with over the net. I accepted what he said and merrily went on with the evening, feeling good that I made friends with him and everyone else.

I never expected I will ever meet the face I only see in pictures. Unlike some of my friends, (like E - The Chronicles of E), I don’t easily get star struck. But I thought Andrew has a beautiful face and meeting him is an experience that will stay with me as long as I am living.

This experience reminded me to be nicer and kinder to people I encounter every day. My acquaintance with Andrew is another proof that we are all connected one way or the other. This gives us another reason to continue caring for each others, despite the unfamiliar relationships we have.

Whew! Finally the week has ended

We opened the exhibit last June 12, 2009 displaying prints of a well known American visual artist/ film maker. Amazingly, a lot of people came to grace the opening, considering it’s the Independence Day. We had a really nice crowd with beautiful and important looking guests (some are not just important looking, they are actually significant people).

As usual, we had, fine conversation flowing, happy faces here and there and a fantastic maître d'hôtel service by Cibo di M (The Commissary). I can’t thank Margarita (Fores) enough for the fabulous food and wine and the outstanding service she provide us every time.

To make the night more interesting, I received a visit from three of my good blogger friends: THE WANDERING POLAR BEAR, Toilet Thoughts of a Toxic Mind and wandering commuter. Thank you very much guys for coming. I sincerely appreciate the support. We open exhibits every month and hope you could visit to see each shows. You can also send me your personal emails so I can include you on my mailing list.

June 13, 2009. We were all the North Wing Gallery at the Museum of the Filipino People (The National Museum of the Philippines) doing the same usual things we do. But last night was lighter than what we had in the galley the other evening and this one lasted quicker. The exhibit of this famous American visual artist/ film maker will run in the gallery until July 5, 2009 and July 30 in the National Museum. I can’t advertise here in details yet… maybe in due time… If you’re interested, just visit the three bloggers aforementioned and ask them where the gallery, what the show is about, etc. (that should give them enough page visits and hits…heheh. I just hope they’d return the gesture. Hehehe).

I have concluded harassing brokers and custom personnel, talking to slow minded-hand washing government employees, and airline luggage customer service officers. I am done opening the exhibit, communal gatherings, social exercises, wine inventory, printing price lists and invitations and hopping from one curious visitor to the next answering inquiries about the piece on the wall. Well, at least I am done for this month. Whew! Finally the week has ended. I can’t wait to discover what the following months have to offer.

Ahhhh… All’s well that ends well.

I have lots of topics listed on my steno pad, waiting to be blogged … But this is what I can post for now.

Stay tuned!

Jesus Let Us Come To Know You

It’s an intoxicating day today at work and all of us here are so harassed by what needs to be finished before the weekend. Importing artworks, talking to National Museum staff, following up with the broker... rushing the framer, etc... sigh...

I took a late lunch break around 3:00PM and sat outside the foyer after. I needed to relax my nerves. I turned on my mobile phone’s music player and listened to an Cannon in D inspired, A Capella, gospel song.

While listening to the music and melody, I got a comforting feeling knowing that, even though things are worrisome at times, there is still a higher, more powerful entity governing us all.

I am not superbly religious, but nature, circumstances and practically everything around me show proof that everything start small and grow wonderfully big… and there is an energy fueling all these… that’s what I am talking about. That “something” unseen yet powerfully present.

So I listened to my mobile phone and sang in my head… sort of a prayer. I felt a little better.

Lyrics:
JESUS LET US COME TO KNOW YOU
(by Michael Card)

Jesus, let us come to know you;
Let us see You face to face.
Touch us, hold us, use us, mold us;
Only let us live in You.

Jesus, draw us ever nearer;
Hold us in your loving arms.
Wrap us in your gentle presence.

P.S.
Before the day ended, my Malaysian boss told me that I did a good job. I did great today... He noticed that despite the pressure, I remained calm. He said that's a good thing. I felt glad. I knew I was blessed.

I switched to Cartoon Network instead

I am not much of a TV fan unless it’s America’s Next Top Model is the show running on screen or a good show is on air. Haha!

I turned on the TV and tuned in the news. Hyden Kho’s issue was on air. Sigh… Can’t we have anything more decent than a televised affair on pounding a regular guy, who happen to be a Doctor who slept with several and put them on video? I kind of pity Hyden for what he’s going through right now, but I feel sadder for those who actually engage on his issues.

I agree he broke some law, but hey, so did thousands of other boys and girls in pirated porn DVDs, xtube, gaytube, and all those sprawling websites out there. I wonder how they are able keep up with it and not get persecuted? Why Hyden Kho? I don’t know how to answer this question exactly, but I think because he’s the most readily available case.

Go ahead guys; waste your time and money scandalizing each other… at the end of the day, would you attain satisfaction? Will this thing make a mark in the Guinness Book of World Record? I bet it won’t. So just quit it and give it a rest. I am sure whoever needs to receive the lesson already learned it.

I don’t think this blog even made sense at all… I just want to express melancholy on how natural suckers human beings are.

I switched to Cartoon Network instead.

Humphrey, the artist formerly known as JP

“Committing yourself is a way of finding out who you are. A man finds his identity by identifying. A man's identity is not best thought of as the way in which he is separated from his fellows but the way in which he is united with them.” ~ Robert Terwilliger

“One day our descendants will think it incredible that we paid so much attention to things like the amount of melanin in our skin or the shape of our eyes or our gender instead of the unique identities of each of us as complex human beings.” ~ Franklin Thomas

Stumbling upon the man in a yellow raincoat

"Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind, than I am of what is true." ~Robert Brault

I should have posted this sooner, but busyness is my middle name… anyway, here it is.

It was raining hard last June 3, 2009. I went to National Book Store, Market Market to buy sticker paper. I was about 5 meters away from the gate of the place where I work when I had to halt and let a van pass before I make a left turn. Vehicles and a motor bike rider are all at a safe distance. tuned to NU 107.9, I set my left signal light on and made that anticipated turn.

Then just like a fast forwarded movie on a pirated DVD, I saw the motorist that’s about 20 meters away zoomed and accelerated towards my direction. Obviously he was trying to beat me in making that turn. My senses told me that he’s not going to make it so I immediately stepped on the brakes. CRASH! He hit my front, right side fender, leaving my bumper paint cracked, dent on my car and my right park light hanging out.

I got out of the car with mixed emotions: Anger, frustration, worry, disappointment, etc. But I tried to breathe deep while I walk towards the careless motorist. As expected he was trying to over rule me with his angry disposition. The only thing I can think of saying was… “Why didn’t you hit the breaks?”

I called our security guard, asked him to alert the Police of what happened (so I can file a police report and have the guy blottered) and asked for an umbrella. It was raining hard and I don’t want to look wretched in an already miserable happening. There was a lot of discussion while waiting for the police to arrive (which like in the movie are always late at the scene of the crime). The man was pointing out that I made a sudden turn, which I debunked by recapping how everything happened. I told him: “How in the world will I make a sudden right turn, when I just came from a full stop?” I told him I saw him sped up trying to beat my turning. I retold every single detail of what happened even pointing out the weight of his impact which made him almost landed on top of my car’s hood (thanks to his feeble legs clipped onto the motor bike preventing him from flying over). I took my camera out and took pictures to document the accident.

The man’s angry disposition turned into an annoying I-am-the-victim-here character. He started talking about how hurt he feels and how much damage caused his bike that he is still paying in installment, down to a I-have-a-family-to-feed drama and I that he is just an ordinary employee, yada, yada, yada. All I could say were, “I don’t care”, “it’s not my fault” and that he should have thought about all of those things before he turned his bike’s accelerator. I said those words in the most heartless manner… but deep inside, I feel pity for this man.

I wanted to confiscate his license, take the original copy of his vehicle registration. But what good would that do. It would not be able to pay for the cost of repair of the damages on my car. More so, by the looks of him, he barely have the money to afford having his motor bike fixed (I might be being too judgmental at this point).

Tired waiting for the ever unreliable police officers, half drenched in the rain, worried of things to finish at work and harassed by the situation, I decided to just let it go. I told the man to just leave, go home or wherever he is going. I reminded him to take this as a learning experience and make sure to be more careful next time – if there is even a next time. I parked the car, went inside and busied my self with work, trying not to rekindle what happened and moved on.

Many would disagree with my decision of calling it off. I bet most would even go all the way with this sort of accident. This is “all the way” for me. Sometime, we just have to learn to accept that things happen to us beyond our control, sometimes beyond our comprehension. This one, I made sure I was in control. I knew what I wanted: I didn’t want to stress my self with something as temporal as a scratched fender or with a man who could not even explain his side nor admit his mistake. I just want to be kind, I don’t want too many worries in my life. I decided to let karma take its universal responsibility on all of what’s happening.

"When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel." ~Harold Kushner

Photo documentation: