It wasn’t an accident (I guess). I broke my laptop LCD last night. Ironically, I did not feel remorseful about it… I was just worried that I have my entire work file in it and I might not be able to access them unless I have the monitor replaced, and that would cost money.
I was supposed to feel bad about the damage my gadget incurred, but for some unexplainable reason, the incident made me become calm and quiet. Different from how I used to be. I think it’s a good thing… For me, it’s a lesson learned. I am grateful.
I felt in control while containing all my emotions within me, but by doing so I was being drained with all my physical energy. It’s amazing how brain and emotional work drain the energy out of us. I felt sleepy and tired and hateful of my self. But I understood where I was wrong and where I needed to fix my self. I realized that what he said, at a certain point, was right. It is indeed a vicious cycle, it’s tiring and I have to make it stop… make it better.
He sat by the stairs, I think he’s looking at me, I am not sure but I can felt he was. His mere presence is a comforting proof that he is there, that he cared. Tired but caring.
I am note sure if I am making sense of what I said here. This might not mean anything to you as a reader but it definitely meant a lot to me.
I woke up today feeling reverent. I know things will be better after today.
My laptop got fixed for 10K.
I had my gadget fixed. Next step is to fix my self.
While driving to the service center, I was contemplating on this poem:
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will.
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with the twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up through the pace seems slow.
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse,
That you must not quit.