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[Image source: http://geekandpoke.typepad.com/geekandpoke/images/2008/04/12/busytimes.jpg]
Sigh… I have not posted anything (10 days after my birthday to be exact). I’ve been busy with a lot of things lately. I’ve have a lot of stuff in my mind that I should put into writing but, lately, I just can’t seem to find time to do it. I don’t bring my laptop with me (ang laki kasi.. I should invest on a Mac book na) kaya I write my thoughts on paper. But when I get hold of a pen a paper, all my mind and my hand want to do it doodle and draw. LOL.
Anyway, here are my activities for the past week and the coming days:
1. Rapid (test) screening for HIV – Venue: in front of Bed bar in Malate. The Social Hygiene Clinic is still at it so if your keen to learning your HIV status, feel free to drop by. The screening if for free (I used the word “free” twice).
2. National Consensus and Consultative Meeting for people living with HIV (NCCM: November 29 – December 1, 2009).
3. Visit RITM for CD4 count. – Nope not me. I had to post as a tour guide for some Poz from Davao and accompany them to RITM to get their CD4 count.
4. Photo shoot with Nicolo Cosme for Headshot Clinic’s (HSC) World AIDS day photography exhibit. – You heard it. I am gonna be a part of HSC’s Wold AIDS day portfolio for 2009. Nic mentioned that opening will be on December 9, 2009 at Greenbelt Makati. But please see HSC’s website for exhibition date details.
5. Speaking engagements in Santiago, Isabela. – I will be visiting Santiago Isabela from December 7-9, 2009. It’s my first time to go there and I heard that it’s 7-8 hours travel by bus. They are celebrating World AIDS there and I am part of the speaking entourage. They also invited me to take part in the lecture in one of the Universities there.
6. Voluntary Counseling and Testing - December 10, 2009 in Pedro Gil, Manila @ Kimberly Hotel
7. Christmas parties - Dec11 in RITM/ Dec12 (afternoon) in Tagaytay with Cavite HIV Task Force/ Dec12 (evening) with UPCFA friends.
8. Davao getaway – I am visiting Davao for the first time and check out how liveable the southern metro is. I am visiting second week of January 2010.
9. And of course I have to work - Call boy (call center boy), grave yard shift during weekdays.
Being HIV Poz was a blessing in disguise. My eat-drink-and-be-merry-party-till-you-drop paradigm was transformed into an I-want-world-peace-and-make-this-world-a-better-place-to-live-in life.
Living with HIV gave me a purpose, found my self new friends and gave me a meaningful life. I am building my life and living it… and enjoying the busyness it brings.
Well this is me. I’ve always appreciated everything that life gives me. As for you… get tested, be safe, stay safe and use protection.
I just turned 34 today.
I am so thankful for everything that came to pass the previous year. All the blessings I recieved, all the friendship I've made. all the learning I acquired that helped improved my life in general.
I wish for stronger family ties and long lasting friendships.
I wish for wisdom that I may be able to be prudent and tact with all my dealings in life.
I wish for courage and perseverance so that I will be able to face, head high, all the challenges bestowed upon me.
I wish for patience and humility so that I will be able to appreciate others and live by example.
Lastly, I wish for better health that I may be able to do more things to make this world a better place to live in.
It’s a holiday coz it’s my birthday today!
http://napwa.org.au/files/images/2009_3_sleep.preview.jpg
After my escapade in Malate last night, I was so exhausted and went to bed without taking a shower.
I had another one of those dreams. I am a believer of dreams. I know when I am dreaming and i can usually control my dreams. But this sort of dreams come to me when I least expect them and strangely, even if i am conscious that I am dreaming, I tend to be passive in dreams such as this. I think it's because I am aware that this sort of dream is telling me something and I am just letting it unfold to see the conclusion and the revelation it's giving me.
I don’t remember the details of my dream but I clearly remember the presence of a big dying dog, a murky river and a coffin. Sounds morbid? Doesn't seem like it when you read the interpretations below.
In my dream, the river was going up with its chocolate brown water. I saw a really, really big dog lying on the shore and was getting washed away by the rising water. Then on the river I saw a casket. There was a man sitting inside the casket and he was asking for help. I tried pulling him out but the water was too high and I couldn’t reach him with my stretched arm.
I am not sure what this dream should mean but I sense its relevance.
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To see a dog in your dream, symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. Alternatively, it indicates a skill that you have ignored or forgotten.
If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts. Also consider common notions associated with the word dog, such as loyalty ("man's best friend") and to be "treated like a dog".
To see a raging river, signifies that your life is feeling out of control. If the river is muddy, then it indicates turmoil, tumultuous times and jealousy in your life.
To see a coffin in your dream, symbolizes the womb. It also signifies your thoughts and fears of death. Alternatively, the coffin represents ideas and habits that you are no longer of use and can be buried.
To see a body in a coffin, signifies that you are going through a period of depression. You may feel confined, restricted and that you are lacking personal freedom. There may be a dead or decaying situation or issue in your life that needs to be addressed. It is time to end this situation or relationship.
[Source: http://www.dreammoods.com/]
I woke this morning feeling poignant. Today is the first time I felt pessimistically different because I am a Poz.
I met S last Saturday at a friend’s house warming party.
He is very sociable. He introduced himself. The moment I held his firm handshake, I knew he is my type. He has a firm grip. He’s ideally tall, have a good build, smart, friendly and have a really nice smile (I am a sucker for guys with nice smile). He has soft lips and kiss really well. And to top it all, our birthdays are three days apart and our animal signs are compatible.
We chatted the entire evening. We talked pretty much about work, likes and dislikes, relationships and life issues. And I can’t remember how many times he asked me why I’ve been single for so long.
I told him I like him and he said he like me too.
But I was too guarded that evening. Aside from being single and Poz for a few years now, I don’t want to take advantage of someone who just got out of a relationship. Yes, S broke up with his partner (who cheated on him) a week ago.
That night was also the first time I felt apprehensive telling someone my HIV status. But I promised my self I will tell S about it the first chance I get.
Anyway, S and I met the next day. He was out to shop and have a haircut.
I really want to see him again so despite being wasted from the previous night, I asked him if he want to meet. He said yes.
My heart never felt so excited in years.
I arrived around 5pm and we spent the rest of the day together. We strolled and chatted.
(Darn! I am never good with narrating stories. I really wish I can properly compose and narrate everything that happened in details)
Anyway, we met up with his friend later that evening.
I have to be in Malate by midnight to help friends with their HIV rapid testing activity. I wanted to stay longer with S so I decided to invite them. It was a coincidence because S was convincing his best friend to get tested. So they agreed to go with me.
I felt anxious because I know S is a smart guy and I am sure he will figure out that I am a Poz even before I tell him. Well… I’ve been insinuating about my status anyway and I am deliberately evading his questions whenever he asks about my HIV status. He was asking about it since I told him that I am into the HIV/ AIDS advocacy.
Another thing that adds up to my anxiety is that, I like S so much that I am afraid that he will stop seeing me if I tell him my status.
Since S just got a haircut, he needed to shower. The three of us went to his place.
He shared his break up story on our way to is place. I felt for S. I know how it feels to get cheated on. And I felt sorry for his ex boyfriend for being stupid and not seeing how special S is.
We arrived at Malate a few minutes before midnight. We all got tested.
S was curious about my result. He asked several times and I evaded the inquiry the same number of times he asked. I felt he already knew and just needed to confirm. I also felt stupid for lying the first time he asked me. I told him I haven’t gotten my self tested yet. It was such a lame answer. I am never a good liar.
I can’t remember exactly how I started telling him the truth. The only clear thing I remember is his sweet smile, his firm chest and his sincere hug. I wanted to cry but felt that I need to look ok. Deep inside I wasn’t, because I see in his face and I feel his aura that he is not ready for me, well not me per se but my status. My thoughts were reinforced when I asked him if he still want to date a Poz guy.
Call it corny, call me mushy but I felt crushed. But there’s no where is to go but forward. I just have to accept my reality.
I remembered what my ex boy friend told me when I came out to him. He said that he used to date a Poz guy. And that sometimes he feels more comfortable dating Poz guys since they are sure of their HIV status compared to those guys who have not gotten tested and claim that they are negative. And with this he knows how to protect himself and the other person when the time come they need to physically share their emotions. I hope people realize the truth in this thinking.
S and I still keep in touch, but I don’t know until when. Nonetheless I am still hopeful for the best.
A a very good friend told me...I shouldn't expect someone to be so open and welcoming about a very sensitive issue. Only time will tell if his sentiments will unfold in a most agreeable form.
I still believe in true love. I still believe in long term (even life-time) relationships. I still believe that all people are naturally good and I still believe that there’s that “one” special person for me…
Right now I am hoping it’s S.
[image source: http://www.telecombeacon.com/techbuzz/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/lost_cell_phone.jpg
I lost my phone in the gym today. Well… I didn’t really lose it since I know exactly where I last placed it. It was stolen, I should say.
I didn’t extremely feel sad since it’s just a phone but it’s just unfortunate that I had to lose it now that I don’t have enough money to buy a new phone. Additionally, I lost all of my contacts… most of which are friends, family and professional contacts. Sigh.
My birthday is coming (26th of November) and it's just swell that I had to lose my unit. I've been using that phone for a couple of years now and it's so efficient. It hasn't turned me down... not even once. Oh well, another time to move on.
So, if you’re one of my contacts, Please send me a message with your name and mobile (contact) number.
P.S.
Who would be generous enough to give me a phone for my birthday? I won’t mind if it’s a second hand unit :-D
I did this drawings during my training class. I drew the image copying it from an image I found online.
We were made to listen to a lot of tutorial and lectures... I needed to keep my brain awake and attentive. This is what I ended up with.
Always remember, Elmo loves you… and I do too.
http://www.gobizkorea.com/att/cat/standardia/tp_html/img/standardia_cat_1_small_img_2.jpg
The Manila Social Hygiene Clinic in Partnership with the UNICEF and the Global Fund Round 6 is once again announcing the availability of the RT Kits, or the Rapid Testing Kits which show results in as quick as 10mins. The RT kits is 99% accurate and is as reliable as the ELISA or the Serodia test. The good thing about this RT is, it’s quicker as compared to the latter two tests.
If the result from the RT comes out positive, an extraction of the whole blood sample will be requested from the patient and shall then be submitted for confirmation to SACCL (San Lazaro Hospital). The sample will then undergo 3 tests, ELISA, Serodia and the Western Blot for confirmation.
The procedure will be the same, as the person will undergo HIV 101, pre-test counselling, extraction, post-test counselling and referral to treatment hub (if found out positive). Thus, the RT does not compromise the original design of Voluntary Confidential Counselling and Testing.
Curious about the confidentiality of the testing? Worry not, because the Philippine Law specifically the Republic Act 8504 or known as the Philippine AIDS Prevention and Control Act of 1998, states that:
"Article 1, SECTION 18. Anonymous HIV Testing - The State shall provide a mechanism for anonymous HIV testing and shall guarantee anonymous HIV testing and shall guarantee anonymity and medical confidentiality in the conduct of such test.”
And is further assured in this portion...
"ARTICLE VI CONFIDENTIALITY
SECTION 30. Medical Confidentiality - All health professional, medical instructions, workers, employers, recruitment agencies, insurance companies, data encoders, and other custodians of any medical record, file, data, or test results as directed to strictly observe confidentiality in the handling of all medical information, particularly the identity and status of persons with HIV.
So if you guys are Interested on this Rapid Testing or if you have any questions or concerns... Please feel free to contact:
Ryan
Kindly indicate your name so he could schedule you for testing. You may even use a codename if you wish.
The test is absolutely FREE, We are just waiting for you! Remember it's your decision since this is a voluntary testing.
Thank you so much for your time in reading this advertisement!
We hope to see you soon.
Be Tested. Be safe!
[Source: re-post from http://rye82703.blogspot.com]
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Hi everyone. I am so sorry for not being able to post for a while. I’ve started with my new job and I’ve been busy lately. I’ve so many things I want to write about but time is so little when you’re working.
Just an update… I’ve got a gym membership last month. I thought working out and toning would be good. After all my life events that came to pass, I need to redeem my self, to look and feel beautiful again.
I’ve been busy with advocacy too. I am part of a group of Poz who’s putting up an HIV support group and a Social Hygeine Clinic of sort exclusive to my town. It’s a lot of work but I am excited nonetheless.
I’ve been driving to and from work… so I am usually tired when I get home. Hence I am thinking of getting a place to rent in Manila. So if there’s anyone there who can suggest a reasonably priced place to rent in EDSA-Shaw area, please feel free to message me. If there’s a parking space, the better!
Lastly, I am still enrolled in DLSU-CSB completing my certificate in Filipino Sign Language.
This is what I have for now. Stay tuned.
Hugs to all of you, especially to you Sunshine :-D
This is great news!
Now I am one restriction less to travel and visit the US.
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Obama Lifts HIV Travel, Immigration Ban
By Kerry Eleveld and Michelle Garcia
During a signing ceremony for the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Treatment Extension Act, President Barack Obama announced Friday that the federal government would end its ban on travel and immigration to the U.S. by people who are HIV-positive, as first reported by The Advocate.
Obama made the announcement in the Diplomatic Room of the White House, where he told attendees that that policy was instituted 22 years ago "in a decision rooted in fear rather than fact."
[Source: http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2009/10/30/Obama_Lifts_the_HIV_Travel_Ban/]
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AIDS in the Philippines, the first book that provides important information and a comprehensive account of Philippine experiences on HIV and AIDS, was launched last October 29, 2009 at Annabelle's, Tomas Morato during the Annual Membership Meeting of the AIDS Society of the Philippines at 1:00 in the afternoon.
For the first time in the 25-year history of HIV and AIDS in the Philippines, an extensive documentation on the changing trends and patterns of HIV infection and the country’s response is now in a book written by contributors who studied the beginnings of HIV infection until its increasingly rapid transmission among wider sectors of the population today. From 1984 to August 2009, the registry recorded a cumulative total of 4,082 cases. Unprotected sexual activities remain the most common mode of transmission.
Edited by Dr. Ofelia T. Monzon, who pioneered HIV investigative research studies that paved the way for early efforts to prevent further infection, AIDS in the Philippines contains 18 chapters authored by experts who have been at the core of scientific studies, clinical management, psychosocial responses, prevention, and policy making on HIV and AIDS.
Click here to see what the experts and other readers say… (Check out the bottom most part of the page :-) )
[source: http://www.aidsphil.org/]
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A good friend shared this site and I am doing my part, passing it forward, and sharing it to you.
This is one of the coolest animation I've seen educating people about HIV/ AIDS.
Watch, learn and be safe. And don't forget to take the quiz after you've seen the animation.
Let's keep making this world a better place to live in.
[Image source: http://rosettasister.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/rainy-night-by-wael-saad.jpg]
I woke up around quarter to five in the morning giving out a loud “ugh!”
I had a dream. I don’t know if it will qualify as a nightmare, because I didn’t find it scary, but it’s no where near the story of the Little Mermaid, except for the presence of water.
**********
It was a raining. It was dark. I can’t figure out if it was night time or the rain cloud was too grey that it made the day looked bleak. But I didn’t feel scared
I was standing, drench in the rain. Behind me was a gate. I didn’t see it but I knew it was there. In front of me was a dirt path.
I looked left and right and all I can see it water. The surrounding seemed like rice field of some sort. I just couldn’t see its definition because of the volume of water. I wondered if the presence of water was because of the rain or if it’s naturally there.
I feel that there is nowhere for me to go but straight, and forward I went. I have not gone far and I noticed, to my left, a small old cottage.
I walked further and thought I saw a shadow amidst the darkness. I started to walk faster. Then I saw a man. I am not sure who he was but I felt we knew each other. He was standing and looking straight into the darkness.
I noticed that that side of the field was darker than the areas near the gate and the cottage. It was pitch black.
I asked him where we were but he didn’t respond to my query. He looked pale and cold. He must be standing in the rain for a while, I thought. I asked the same question and I received the same blank response.
Then he took my hand. He was holding me too tight that it began to hurt. I started struggling to free my hand (I can feel my sleeping body wriggling), but he was too strong.
He started to walk towards the darkness. I kept squirming to loosen my hand. Thanks to the rain water that wet his hand, I was able to break away from his grip.
He turns to look at me and his blank expression turn into an angry face.
My instinct screamed and ordered me to run, and that’s exactly what I did. I turned the opposite direction and ran as fast as I could.
I couldn’t feel the ground. I turned down to look… the dirt path was no longer there. I was running on water. After realizing this, I fell in the water.
I think I sank about three feet under water. I thought it was a good hiding place so I held my breath and stayed there as long as I could.
While I was submerged, I thought I was floating, but when I looked around, I saw that I was lying on a bed of water spinach (Kangkong in Filipino).
I don’t know how long I was sunken but I running out of air (I think I was holding my breath for real while I was dreaming).
Then I felt a hand grabbed me by the chest. It was him. I pushed him away and started running again. I ran past the cottage, past the open field, that’s filled with water and then reached the gate.
While I was standing there, it didn’t felt right to open the gate and go further beyond it. My curiosity got the best, I turned around and walk towards the cottage.
When I reached the cottage, I notice that it was lit from the inside. I peaked through the window and saw the man. He was violently throwing the furniture. He looked mad.
Then I heard something like a wail. I turned to look to my right and saw a wounded dog. It looked like a cross breed of a German Shepherd and a Rottweiler and it looked very week. I felt sad for the thing and decided to carry it back to the gate.
The dog was heavy. I had to make several stops from the cottage to the gate. I was on my third stop and I felt tired. So I decided to rest longer than I did on my last two stops.
I was very tired from all that transpired. I closed my eyes to rest. After a few minutes, I thought I need to continue. I opened my eyes and saw the man sitting in a squat position in front of me with a sheepish looking grin on his face.
He was holding a wide blade kitchen knife. Before I could even give out a reaction, he stabbed be in the belly… I literally heard my self gave out a loud “ugh!”
Then I was awakened.
**********
I find it strange that in the past two weeks… almost of my dreams have water and cottages in them.
Most of the time, I can control my dream, but not this one. However, I still knew that it was just a dream. But I allowed my self to be a passive part of the dream.
I want to understand because I believe acquiring the ability to interpret your dreams is a powerful tool.
Below are the dream interpretations I found online @ http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/. I arranged the symbols according to the manner of appearance in my dream.
Coincidentally, the meanings are somewhat accurate to what my life circumstances are going through.
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Darkness
Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown. If you feel safe in the dark, then it suggests that you like not knowing about certain things. As some might say, ignorance is bliss.
Night
To have a dream that takes place at night represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing, but are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head and come back to it later. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth, reflection, and new beginnings.
Rain
To dream that you get wet from the rain, indicates cleansing from your troubles and problems. Rain also symbolizes fertility and renewal.
Gate
To see or pass through a gate in your dream, suggests that you are walking through a new phase of life. It also represents new opportunities and possibilities, especially if the gate is opened or swinging.
To see a closed gate in your dream signifies your inability to overcome current difficulties. If you are unable to open the gate, then it indicates that your hard work will be seen as unsatisfactory. It may also mean that you are not ready or not prepared to move on to the next step.
Dirt
To see freshly stirred dirt in your dream, symbolizes thriftiness and frugalness. Dirt is also representative of situations where you have been less than honourable and may have acted in a devious manner.
Path
To walk through a quiet, open path, signifies clarity of thought and peace of mind. It may also symbolize your progress.
To see a blocked or windy path, denotes that you need to give serious attention to the direction you are heading in your personal and/or business life. You also need to take time out to consider and rethink the consequences before acting on your choices.
Water
To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.
To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to devote some time to clarify your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, it suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded. If you are immersed in muddy water, then it indicates that you are in over your head in a situation and are overwhelmed by your emotions.
To dream that you are walking on water, suggests that you have supreme and ultimate control over your emotions. It may also suggest that you need to "stay on top" of your emotions and not let them explode out of hand. Alternatively, it is symbolic of faith in your self.
To see a cottage in your dream, represents comfort, peace and serenity. You prefer a quiet life of simplicity. The cottage may also represent an altered sense of reality and thus may be a means of escaping the responsibilities and problems that may be associated with your home. You need to approach life's difficulties one at a time.
Acquaintance
To see an acquaintance in your dream, signifies positive affairs in business and harmony in your home life. It also foretells that you will see or hear from them shortly after this dream.
To dream that you are in a dispute with an acquaintance denotes that you will soon find yourself in a humiliating situation.
Underwater
To dream that you are underwater, suggests that you are feeling overcome with emotions and are in need of greater control in your life. You may be in over your head regarding some situation.
To dream that you are breathing underwater represents a retreat back into the womb. You want to return to a state where you were dependent and free from responsibilities. Perhaps you are feeling helpless, unable to fulfil your own needs and caring for your self. Alternatively, you may be submerged in your emotions.
Plants
To see plants in your dream, indicate fertility, spiritual development, growth or the potential for growth. Alternatively, the appearance of plants in your dreams reflects your caring and loving nature.
Leaves
To see leaves in your dream, signifies new found happiness and improvements in various aspects of your life. It is symbolic of fertility, growth and openness. Alternatively, leaves represent a passage of time.
Dog
To see a dog in your dream, symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. Alternatively, it indicates a skill that you have ignored or forgotten.
If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts.
Knife
The knife may be symbolic of something divisive in your life. You may be attempting to cut ties or sever some relationship.
Stab
To dream that you have been stabbed, signifies your struggle with power. You may be experiencing feelings of inadequacy and defensiveness. Alternatively, you may be feeling betrayed as the popular phrase goes, "being stabbed in the back".
