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From my past, I never liked dating for the grounds that I think it’s a waste of my time, energy and money. I am a straight forward kind of guy… If I like you, I like you. If you like me then god… if not I am cool. But for some reason, I started going out with guys this year. Let me tell you about some of them...

I met Jeremy back in the University. The first time we met, we spent about 4 hours chatting inside my van… we’ve talked pretty much about everything. The second time we met was at the mall but I got irritated with him because he keeps pointing to the cute guys passing by. It made me feel insecure since I already like him but I did not say. I was feeling something for Jeremy but still did not say anything. The third time we met, I had to be extremely stubborn so he’d say yes to meet me. I parked in a little pass his work place and we talked in the car.

In a span of about three years, we only met thrice and on the third meeting, I mustered all my confidence to tell him what I feel for him. Unfortunately, he just got back with his boyfriend and thought he did not want to ruin his second chance. He told me that that would be our last meeting and that I should not call or text him again.

Samboy. He is the one I consider as the person who pushed my love button. He is adorable, attractive, appealing person I’ve ever met. He is smart, eloquent and cute. He is just adorable in every sense. I liked his humour, I love his ideas, I love dinning with him, I love holding his hands, I love it when we kiss. I just love him, period. But there’s a draw back, Samboy was dating another guy. The guy came before me, which means I am a late comer. I knew from a friend that Dave like this other guy. I felt I was just a diversion but I still took my chance. We had a mutual understanding but it’s not enough to for me to win his heart.

Samboy and I ended up as very good friends. We still say we miss each other, whenever we get the chance we say I love you to each other… but it’s in the context of friendship and that’s just about it. I still have this special feeling I am hanging on in case Dave decided to pursue me. I will drop everything if that time comes. But I know that’s just wishful thinking.

One of the sweetest guys I encountered is Jonathan. The first time we met, I wanted to kiss him for being so adorable. But he just uttered the phrase “not yet.” Most people whom I consider a good judge of my personality did not approve my attraction with Jon. But there is just something about him that is different from the other guys I’ve met. He has this bratty attitude that I liked. I visited him so often to the point that I am practically living with him. We’ve been going out for a while and every time we do, I ask him when it’s going to be us. He kept giving me the answer “not yet.” Eventually, I realized why it’s not yet the time to be us… It was because he wanted me to meet all of his closest friends first and he needs to get their approval if I am good for him. It was pretty juvenile but I liked it just the same. I think this is because I get plus points every time I am introduced to a friend.

I was introduced to every single one of them in separate occasions and got a yes vote from all of them. I was so excited because I thought it’s going to be us since I passed the meeting-the-friends- test. But one night, Jon was not his usual self. He was giving me the cold shoulder and did not sleep beside me one evening. When I asked, he did not give me an answer, and that made me really frustrated. I decided to leave and just stay low for a while, until I did not want to see him anymore.

Drive is a really cool guy. Physically speaking, he is my type. Bald, tan and express a brute appeal. I thought our first meeting was pretty romantic. We were driving around and could not decide where to hang-out. We both wanted to talk and spend quality time with each other. Since we were both tired since we both just got out from work. So we decided to go to a motel. You know how motel are here and for that reason, I am not very keen about the idea. But since I wanted to just be with him, I agreed with the idea. He knew that I am not the sexual type so he reassured me that we’re just going to talk and rest. And that’s exactly what we did… well, not exactly. We hugs and kissed to our heart’s delight. We met several times after that. He even introduced to some of his closest friends. We text, chat and call each other over the phone. Until I noticed that he became busier and busier and until the frequency of text, chat and phone calls becomes low. It went on like that. Finally, everything between us became so quiet. I tried keeping in touch to no avail. So I flagged the banner “the end.”

The list of the guys I met this year (2009) is growing longer.

Please don’t get me wrong, I like all of them. Each one has a personality I like that I wished I can find in just one person. Actually, I used to be with a guy name Bari who has the above characters, but I broke up with him (Don’t ask why, it’s a long story. Maybe I’ll write about it soon). I hope you won’t think I am a bad person for going out with several guy. Oh, and please take note that I did not mentioned “sex in any of the paragraph above. Meaning my interest is maintained more by something else than just sex.

I know the kind of guy I need. I need a guy who is… Well, he do not have to have the exact same interest I like or have the exact same personality. Just someone who is crazy enough to take in my ideas and my humour. Someone who will not put his best foot forward to impress me. Someone not too smart. Not too dumb, not too ugly, not to good looking. Someone down to earth. Someone who is generally, just like me. Someone I can build my world around him. Unfortunately, I have not found one person who can do that.

I am not sure if this experience is a test I need to pass or a curse I have to endure. Sometime I suppose that maybe this is how my life is always going to be… But I am still hopeful that things will not stay like this forever. I know everything will be alright eventually.

I am still hoping that there’s that one special person for me. If you’re out there… please come to me. I need you.

P.S.
I keep saying I know my preferences because I honestly do, but sometime I get to thinking: “do I really know what I want, what I need?” I am not even sure if this entry made sense at all. Tell me what you think about all these.